Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-31675258-20170427211429/@comment-26370322-20170429034303

WARNING OPINIONS AND CRITICISMS AHEAD

"The fatigue hit me like a truck"

you literally ran for like half a minute. even if you just woke up your body should be pumping with adrenaline from the fact that you are running for your life.

The character from the beginning always mutters random stuff under their breath when they are apparently exausted and sprinting for their life. Shouldn't he/she be saving his/her breath while trying to run away?

The "First" character also seems to say alot of unfinished sentences, words, and exclamations, ending in Hyphens. you overuse it way too much.

"The three dropped off of the bridge, down to my level"

How did they not break their legs? This isn't ROBLOX or R2DA where you can jump off a building, only sustaining minor injuries and be able to get right back up and start running again.

Also at the end of the first chapter, why are you smirking? A zombie apocalypse just broke out for god's sake and you're here all care-free with your gang of buddies. Were you happy a zombie outbreak happened?

You were also half-strangled by an nightmare-ish zombie with a giant tounge. No matter how tough of an military soilder you are, you will probably end up with PTSD, or at least be in shock. you even described the scene as "hell" and some other strong words.

Overall, this story is bland, the pacing is bad, and the plot is just so mediocre. I get that you need to write people into the story, but even then you can still spice things up.

But in the end this is just my salty opinion