Board Thread:Lores/@comment-27026309-20190803100155/@comment-35523327-20190806215943

nice but the story moves too quickly. there is no build up and what little there is gets pushed under by grammatical errors and plot holes. how do you know about the names of the edgars and brutes. how did you know that there was a scientist on the trolley. oh yeah, its not a subway. he was riding a trolley. please go over and try and correct the story to make it seem more as if it was professional